Let’s be honest, sometimes telling the truth is not an easy thing to do. What makes it even more difficult is we live in a society that believes, in many situations, lies are justifiable. “Little white lies” are often viewed as a necessary way to preserve the peace in our relationships. However, the Bible is quite clear. Lying is a sin (Leviticus 19:11). And in Proverbs 6:16-19, God’s condemnation of lying doesn’t contain any exemptions for the sake of “relational peace,” “being nice” or avoiding the proverbial “doghouse.” So…are we expected to practice brutal honesty?
I believe Paul offers us the best advice. He encourages us to “speak the truth in love”(Ephesians 4:15). Often times it isn’t what we say but how we say it that causes friction. Proverbs 15:1-2 tells us a “gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. The tongue of the wise makes knowledge acceptable, but the mouth of fools spouts folly.” Notice the “answer” is neutral. The outcome is influenced by the presentation (gentle versus harsh). The key is to make sure our speech (our content, tone, pitch, volume, word choice) is gracious (Colossians 4:6). Perhaps we would do well to re-read First Corinthians 13.
“Speaking the truth in love” means that sometimes we are going to say things the listener would rather not hear. But it also means we’ll do it in a way that isn’t demeaning, demoralizing or destructive. Proverbs 27:6 says, “Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.” Trust is essential for a healthy relationship. The best relationships are built on truth…not “little white lies.” So…my speaking the “truth in love” response to the question about her hair, I would say, “I think I liked your former hair style better.”